A Giant Allegory
Once upon a time, there were two giants, who lived in a village. Now it may perplex the reader why the villagers would tolerate the presence of such monsters, but being not very imaginative, they could not imagine life without these creatures. For one thing, the village was rather well-known for the monsters and whatever little outside trade the village had was dependent on the patronage of several travellers who came to ogle the giants.
The name of the first giant was Tip (giant language for "enormous, voracious, stupendously hideous son of a giant") and the name of the second was Top (giant language for "immense, ravenous, horrifically repellent son of a giant"). Both were one eyed giants, probably of the same genus as the Odyssean Cyclops. Both Tip and Top lived at the two ends of a village, Tip in the east (so he could see the rising sun) and Top in the west (so he could see the setting sun). Tip would terrorize the butcher, the baker and the blacksmith who lived on the east side of the village, and Top would terrorize the teacher, the trader and the turnpike manager who lived in the west side of the village. The mayor of the village wisely lived in the middle of the village where he was far from the predations of these monsters.
One day, the mayor was on a little walk around the village. He was taken aback to see Tip sleeping in a field east of the village. "Tip!" he roared. "Is this the way you represent our little village? Our travellers are not here to see a sleeping giant. What they want is some action - some blood, gore, disembowelling, that kind of thing, you know." Tip opened his one eye and sat up. He did think that blood, gore and disembowelling sounded quite exciting and he didn't mind if he had a bit of that. The mayor smacked his hand on his knee, "I Have It!" he exclaimed. "The best way to get a little more action in our village is to have the two of you giants together creating a ruckus. Madam M owes me a favour and it's time to collect." He trotted off briskly, rubbing his hands. Madam M was the resident witch of the village and in addition to love potions, herbal remedies and ominous portents of the future, she was able to whip up a mean number of customized spells. With great flourish (and a clap of thunder), Madam M customized a spell for the mayor. A wild wind swept over the village and in the stillness following the villages emerged out of their huts to see that their two giants, Tip and Top had become merged to a single gigantic entity. This enormous entity was twice the height and girth than either giant had been before, and was twice as ghastly and magnificent.
In great distress, Tip and Top (or should I say TipTop) discovered that it had now two eyes but had lost its previous monocular vision. Madam M had forgotten in her spell to ensure that the two tiny brains of BipBop were re-wired for binocular vision. TipTop could not see well enough and started to stomp around (as it was having a ghastly headache from the diplopia). It stomped on the village school, squashing all the little children, the teacher and the resident paediatrician. When it finally settled down, with its head in its hands (for it was a grade 10 headache on the visual analog pain score), the entire west side of the village had been pretty much trashed. "Panadol!" roared TipTop. The villagers rushed to their medicine cupboards and poured together what they had, which decreased TipTop's headache to a grade 8, but did not work well enough. In the end, the mayor had to mortgage the village to pay for Synflex(1 tonne dose bd with antacid). Because of the acute shortage of manpower and the need to pay off the mortgage, the butcher had to multitask and take on the role of poultry and pig farming, animal husbandry, butchering, canning, processing and post-marketing surveillance, the baker had to take on wheat farming, flour milling, cow farming, milking, pasteurization, baking and cupcake making classes and the blacksmith had to take on mining, smelting, smithing, tooling, and risk management courses. The population of the village dwindled rapidly through emigration or death from overwork and it became a gloomily silent place, poignantly missing the laughter of children (as they had been squished early on). Travellers also avoided the village as TipTop did not appear to be a very active or productive giant as it spent most of its time under a tree with its head in its hands (it had become photophobic and could not tolerate sunlight).
The mayor, rather annoyed with this turn of events, left the village and migrated to the city, where he became the CEO of a large corporation for organizing mergers and acquisitions. Madam M went into the pharmaceutical industry where the sales of analgesics had risen acutely. The villagers that remained continued to work hard at their multiple jobs and to mull in their few rare moments of leisure about the moral of having to defeat their giants expeditiously.
The name of the first giant was Tip (giant language for "enormous, voracious, stupendously hideous son of a giant") and the name of the second was Top (giant language for "immense, ravenous, horrifically repellent son of a giant"). Both were one eyed giants, probably of the same genus as the Odyssean Cyclops. Both Tip and Top lived at the two ends of a village, Tip in the east (so he could see the rising sun) and Top in the west (so he could see the setting sun). Tip would terrorize the butcher, the baker and the blacksmith who lived on the east side of the village, and Top would terrorize the teacher, the trader and the turnpike manager who lived in the west side of the village. The mayor of the village wisely lived in the middle of the village where he was far from the predations of these monsters.
One day, the mayor was on a little walk around the village. He was taken aback to see Tip sleeping in a field east of the village. "Tip!" he roared. "Is this the way you represent our little village? Our travellers are not here to see a sleeping giant. What they want is some action - some blood, gore, disembowelling, that kind of thing, you know." Tip opened his one eye and sat up. He did think that blood, gore and disembowelling sounded quite exciting and he didn't mind if he had a bit of that. The mayor smacked his hand on his knee, "I Have It!" he exclaimed. "The best way to get a little more action in our village is to have the two of you giants together creating a ruckus. Madam M owes me a favour and it's time to collect." He trotted off briskly, rubbing his hands. Madam M was the resident witch of the village and in addition to love potions, herbal remedies and ominous portents of the future, she was able to whip up a mean number of customized spells. With great flourish (and a clap of thunder), Madam M customized a spell for the mayor. A wild wind swept over the village and in the stillness following the villages emerged out of their huts to see that their two giants, Tip and Top had become merged to a single gigantic entity. This enormous entity was twice the height and girth than either giant had been before, and was twice as ghastly and magnificent.
In great distress, Tip and Top (or should I say TipTop) discovered that it had now two eyes but had lost its previous monocular vision. Madam M had forgotten in her spell to ensure that the two tiny brains of BipBop were re-wired for binocular vision. TipTop could not see well enough and started to stomp around (as it was having a ghastly headache from the diplopia). It stomped on the village school, squashing all the little children, the teacher and the resident paediatrician. When it finally settled down, with its head in its hands (for it was a grade 10 headache on the visual analog pain score), the entire west side of the village had been pretty much trashed. "Panadol!" roared TipTop. The villagers rushed to their medicine cupboards and poured together what they had, which decreased TipTop's headache to a grade 8, but did not work well enough. In the end, the mayor had to mortgage the village to pay for Synflex(1 tonne dose bd with antacid). Because of the acute shortage of manpower and the need to pay off the mortgage, the butcher had to multitask and take on the role of poultry and pig farming, animal husbandry, butchering, canning, processing and post-marketing surveillance, the baker had to take on wheat farming, flour milling, cow farming, milking, pasteurization, baking and cupcake making classes and the blacksmith had to take on mining, smelting, smithing, tooling, and risk management courses. The population of the village dwindled rapidly through emigration or death from overwork and it became a gloomily silent place, poignantly missing the laughter of children (as they had been squished early on). Travellers also avoided the village as TipTop did not appear to be a very active or productive giant as it spent most of its time under a tree with its head in its hands (it had become photophobic and could not tolerate sunlight).
The mayor, rather annoyed with this turn of events, left the village and migrated to the city, where he became the CEO of a large corporation for organizing mergers and acquisitions. Madam M went into the pharmaceutical industry where the sales of analgesics had risen acutely. The villagers that remained continued to work hard at their multiple jobs and to mull in their few rare moments of leisure about the moral of having to defeat their giants expeditiously.
THE END.
posted by Hungry Doc at
4:10 PM
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